Zeke Hoskin Song Lyrics A through D

Songs E through K
Songs L through Z
Choruses are in italics and are sung after every verse.

Automated Tractor

Gonna lay me down at night, where the stars are shining bright
And watch some big league wrestling on the TV satellite
Where the squirrels and chipmunks play, every day's a holiday
I'm going back to the country to stay

The city's so polluted, there's no quiet place to go
There's nothing you can eat that wasn't dead a week ago
My grandpa had a better life farming in the clay
I'm going back to the country to stay

Gonna buy a plow and harrow all made of stainless steel
An automated tractor with computers in the wheels
A chicken house with Muzak to make them cluckers lay
I'm going back to the country to stay

Gonna wake up in the morning with a good day's work ahead
Unhitch the milker from the cows and then go back to bed
No more working nine to five for what the bosses pay
I'm going back to the country to stay


Bad Santa Land


Do you think that Santa drives his sleigh
To bring you toys on Christmas day?
Well, that may be what Santa does 'round here
Don't let it spoil your celebration
When you learn in other nations
Christmas is a time of pain and fear

If you're almost good enough, he might just play a trick
If you're just a little bad, he'll beat you with a stick
But if you're any worse than that, he'll pick you up and dump you *splat*
Into his sack with all the kids that no one else could stand
That's where naughty children go in Bad Santa Land

All those children acting bad, you know that makes him really mad
It's kids like you that bother Santa's mind
Come Christmas day he'll go to work and grab you up with such a jerk
You'll leave your shoes and stockings there behind

So all you happy girls and boys, playing with your Christmas toys
Those toys were made by children who were bad
There's been a change of routes this year, Bad Santa will be coming here
Be good, or you will really wish you had


Bah, Humbug!


I've shovelled a foot of snow today, the car won't start at all
There are fourteen Santa Clauses ho-ho-ho-ing at the mall
I've got a big list of folks I missed who sent me cards last year
And speakers blare from everywhere about some damn reindeer
My friends who work in stores are doing too much overtime
They've raised the price of *VCR's* to barely short of crime
There are atherosclerotics swilling eggnog by the jug
Three syllsbles say it all: Bah, humbug!

Ebenezer Scrooge was right: Bah, humbug!
Schlock and rip-offs day and night: Bah, humbug!
They'll fatten your belly and flatten your purse
The weather is bad and the people are worse
Humbug is everywhere, rank and raw:
Bah! Bah! Bah!

The kiddies are glued to TVs while commercials stoke their greed
The can't go out cause drunks are weaving by at lethal speed
The airports are as crowded as the fire escape in Hell
My kids just learned the stupid second verse of Jingle Bells
The bitter air rips the linings of my lungs with every breath
And folks who live in cardboard boxes often freeze to death
But the rich are giving crumbs away and feeling mighty smug
Permit me again to say: Bah, humbug!


Beans Have It Tough

Being a chili bean's really a pain
Gotta grow out of doors in the wind and the rain
And when we get picked, we get dumped in the sink
With hot-tempered peppers and garlic that stinks
They cook us and eat us and then have the brass
To blame us for all their intestinal gas
From beginning to end, it's a very bad scene
The world can be hard on a bean

Beans, beans, sure have it tough
Nobody loves a bean nearly enough
Life, life, doesn't fight clean
The world can be hard on a bean

Green beans have feelings that often get hurt
Climbing up poles with our feet in the dirt
Getting chewed on by aphids and cutworms and slugs
And the pesticidides tickle as bad as the bugs
Some green beans are sexy, some green beans are wise
But they never award us the Pulitzer Prize
Or publish our pictures in skin magazines
No wonder us green beans are green

Being a coffee bean's hard on the mind
There are days when existence is really a grind
And being a stringbean can get you unstrung
When the bumblebees jump up and down on your tongue
Being a Navy bean's really a curse
And the chief petty officer beans make it worse
From Boston to Lima and pods in between
The world can be hard on a bean

Being a has-been can really feel bad
When you don't have the moves you remember you had
When whatever you've saved drifts away just like smoke
And no one believes when you say that you're broke
Some will say you were proud and delight in your fall
But most people just won't remember at all
No, most people can't understand what it means
Cause never-weres can't be has-beens

Being a human bein' really is hard
You can't just relax and hang out in the yard
Got readin' and writin' and history and math
Hairbrushes, toothbrushes, razors and baths
Your average veggie knows nothing of shame
But when something goes wrong, it's the humans get blamed
And someday we'll all be replaced by machines
And there won't be no more human bein's


Beer Is Good For You


Coffee give you nerves of glass, but beer is good for you
Rye whiskey gets you drunk too fast, but beer . . .
And if you take a little smoke, might be tobacco, might be dope
If you don't get cancer, you'll land in the poke but beer . . .
Beer! Beer! Bring another round down here
We've got to have another glass or two
Don't tell me that it's getting late, it's early in the year
Sit down and have another glass of beer, it's good for you

Samson knew it very well, that beer . . .
He grabbed those pillars, down they fell cause beer . . .
They cut his hair, they had no fear
They thought he'd lose his strength all year
But he shampooed every day with beer cause beer . . .

Canadiens won the Stanley Cup [ZIP IN TEAM AND CUP NAME] cause beer . . .
They took champagne to fill it up but beer . . .
It sprung a leak and out it drained.
Looked like a busted water main
They said, "Thank God it's just champagne, cause beer . . ."

The moral of this happy song is: beer . . .
Do you wan't do grow up tall and strong? Well, beer . . .
Do you wan't to pain the town bright red?
Want to walk on water and raise the dead?
Then make your toast with liquid bread 'cause beer . . .

[TAGS BETWEEN 3rd AND 4th LINE OF LAST CHORUS]
Don't tell me that I've had enough, it ain't running out my ears
Don't tell me anything at all, sit down and drink your beer


The Best Bluegrass Band In The World

I put this end-of-the-world song on my first serious demo. The musicians mentioned in the song are Sue Malcolm, Chris Stevens, and Mike Brooks, who played on it. So did Kitty King, but there isn't a verse for the bassist.

They gave a war last Friday night and everybody came
Our bluegrass band got drafted to keep them entertained
We were underneath a mountain in Colorado Springs
And when the world went up in smoke, the band began to sing

We're the best bluegrass band in the world, the best bluegrass band in this dive
We chased fortune and fame and it finally came, tonight we have really arrived
You'll never hear bluegrass played better, except on the generals tape drive
We got to the top and we don't want to stop, we're the best bluegrass band still alive

When you're a female vocalist, your life is never soft
When Susie took the microphone, they shouted, "Take It Off!"
The MPs waved their clubs around and no one done her wrong
And when the crowd could hear her sing, she sang this bluegrass song

I'm the best bluegrass gal in the world, the best bluegrass gal in this dive
There were more bluegrass dames, but they went up in flames, didn't have what it takes to survive
There aren't any more female vocalists, except on the general's tape drive
There's no one but me who can hit a high C, I'm the best bluegrass gal still alive.

Chris tuned up his banjo and he played them Rocky Top
A technician started laughing and we though he'd never stop
He hooted and he chortled till he blew his dental bridge
He said, "They just took out Rocky Top with Nashville and Oak Ridge"

We're the best bluegrass band in the world, the best bluegrass band in this dive
No one else can still play cause they're all blown away, with their children and husbands and wives
Nobody else sings four part harmony, except on the general's tape drive
We're fast and we're loud and we're terribly proud, we're the best bluegrass band still alive

Then Mike pulled out his mandolin and played some blazing lead
He played Roanoke and Rawhide at his usual blinding speed
When he played Midnight in Moscow, the crowd began to shout
"Play us Okie From Muskogee cause we've wiped the Commies out"

We're the best bluegrass band in the world, the best bluegrass band in this dive
All the old famous bands are in God's promised land on that big mushroom cloud in the sky
There's no room for any more bluegrass except on the general's tape drive
We're fast and we're loud and we're terribly proud, we're the best bluegrass band still alive

They were the finest crowd we've had, we made them laugh and cry
But at last the evening ended, it was time to say goodbye
They were waving from the airlock as we drove off in our van
And for another hour, we're the world's best bluegrass band

We're the best bluegrass band in the world, the best bluegrass band in this dive
Now reggae and raga are only a saga, we've outlasted punk rock and jive
There's no room for any kind of music, except on the General's tape drive
We've made a big mark and we glow in the dark, we're the best bluegrass band still.


Bicycle Fish


Gloria Steinem has written a lot of well-thought out things about the relations between the sexes. Most people think this wisecrack is hers, but as far as I can find out, it ain't.

A person with a heart that's colder than an icicle
Says a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle
I guess she doesn't like the kind of men who hang around her
So I wrote this little song for you - I hope that I don't flounder

I will be your bicycle if you will be my fish
You can grab my handlebar and ride me how you wish
You're so wet and wiggly, you know what I like
If you will be my fish this evening, I will be your bike

Once I had a goldfish, it never made a sound
Just swam round and round and round and round and round and round
And round and round and round and round as if it didn't care
If it had had a bicycle, it might have got somewhere

Loving isn't easy, or that's the way it feels
If you want to go the distance, it helps if you've got wheels
But when you're in deep water and you're fearing you'll be drowned
A friend who has a pair of gills is good to have around


Bigger Than Pluto


They'd been searching out past Pluto since nineteen thirty two
But all they found was comets till Quaoar came into view
But when we cheered the searchers for finding Planet Ten
The astronomers just shook their heads and told us, "Think again"

Quaoar is smaller than Pluto
The criteria for planethood are tough
Quaoar is smaller than Pluto
So Quaoar just isn't big enough

They went back to their telescopes and Sedna soon was found
It was bigger than Quaoar, the evidence was sound
Sedna must be Planet Ten, its chances looked so good
But it doesn't have the class to make it in our neighborhood

Sedna is smaller than Pluto
The criteria for planethood are tough
Sedna is smaller than Pluto
So Sedna just isn't big enough

People kept on searching, they found Eris pretty soon
It was bigger than Pluto, it had at least one moon
Though its orbit was all tilted from the planetary plane
We were sure it was a planet till we heard this sad refrain:

Eris is bigger than Pluto
But don't think that Planet Ten's been found at last
Cause Pluto is smaller than Eris
So Pluto's days of planethood are past

I wonder as I lie awake, staring at the stars
What they'll do when something shows up big as Mercury and Mars
We'll only have six planets with sufficient mass and girth
Till they find a rock that's bigger than Venus and the Earth

Elvis is larger than Earth is
But planets are a thing we never add
And Earth is smaller than Elvis
So it's no a planet any more, too bad.

Consider if this thinking went for folks like you and me
We'd get dumber every time somebody else got a degree
Nobody else affects who we are and we deserve
Unless you're talking politics or grading on the curve

Freddy is smarter than Suzie
Betty has a better attitude than John
Till we'll all be disqualified as humans
And leave the chimpanzees to carry on


Billings 1993

The title is, of course, derived from Fred Small's Denmark 1942. The story is true.

In the city of Billings, Montana
It was Hanukkah of 1993
The menorah in Tammy Schnitzer's window
Didn't look like the neighbor's Christmas tree
Some people say it's wrong to be different
And someone broke the window with a stone
She stood looking at that rock and she thought of Kristallnacht
Feeling scared and helpless and alone

You don't have to be a Jew to know Jews are people too
You don't have to be a Christian to ask what would Jesus do
If there are angels up above, they're wond'ring what you're thinking of
Breaking windows in the name of one who came to preach of love

In the city of Billings, Montana
A kind policeman gave his best advice
"It's not safe to put menorahs in your window
Cause we can't keep those creeps from striking twice
She wondered what to tell her young son Isaac
Don't let the symbols of our culture show
We've got to learn to pass or it's the ovens and the gas
When you're Jewish, don't let anybody know

You don't have to be a Jew to know Jews are people too
You don't have to be a Christian to ask what would Jesus do
If we have to hide and cower, freedom wilts where it should flower
And the skinheads and the Nazis are the ones who hold the power

In the city of Billings, Montana
The Gazette gave the story lots of play
They printed a menorah on the back page
If you want to show support, here's one way
More than six thousand houses showed menorahs
To a small boys eyes, they never seemed to end
He asked, "Mommy, are all these people Jewish?"
Tammy Schnitzer told him, "No, but they're our friends"

You don't have to be a Jew to know Jews are people too
You don't have to be a Christian to ask what would Jesus do
The people of the town didn't let their neighbors down
And those cut-out paper candles shed a bright light all around

In the city of Billings, Montana
There are still lots of people full of hate
But they know that their neighbors don't support them
The evil things they plan will have to wait
And the puppeteers still scream who we should hate now
Commies, Arabs, Jews, chicanos, gays
There's love enough for all, divided we must fall
But together we can find a better way

You don't have to be a Jew to know Jews are people too
You don't have to be a Christian to ask what would Jesus do
If there are devils down below, they're burning cause they know
A call to hate was met with love and melted like the snow.


Binary Boogie

Spoken Intro:Computers do everything by manipulating two values, zero and one. It occurred to me that a zero is kind of like an ear and a one is kind of like a finger, so all computers are doing is picking their ears a few billion times a second.

One one zero, zero zero one
The Binary Boogie is a LOAD of fun

Do the Binary Boogie, Root - de - toot
If it's anything but zero and one it won't compute

Two for six, three five eight,
Those numbers are too big to calculate

I met a person down the hall with a plug-compatible protocol
I thought I'd like to try to get on line
"One one zero zero" was the message I sent
"Zero zero one one" was her complement
And after that we got on mighty fine

Yes yes no, no no yes,
Ain't no "maybe", Ain't no "I guess"

I put on my best shirt and TTY
I ASCII'd her and she replied
"One one one one one one one one one"
She wanted to hex FF with me
With a little bit of odd parity
So I raised my Ready To Send and we begun

Up down up, down up down
In and out, straight and round


Blood On The Pumpkin

My neighbor on the right just finished nailing to his tree
The back end of a witch who lost control
To the left are seven jack o'lanterns glaring back at me
All stacked up like some Druid's totem pole
Across the street are seven glowing gravestones
In a tasteful plastic cemetery scene
And I'm feeling kinda dumb cause I just cut off my thumb
There's blood on the pumpkin, it's almost Halloween

I could have just gone shopping for some culturific matter
Like illuminated ghosts with burning eyes
An articulated skeleton with teeth that really chatter
A coven of witches, every shape and size
Some spiders and some rats, lots of bats and big black cats
And Frankenstein's monster, grim and green
When I do it on my own, I cut my fingers to the bone
There's blood on the pumpkin, it's almost Halloween

In just a few more nights, the hungry kids will come my way
Wearing costumes that come mostly from the store
I can't feed 'em home-baked goodies, that's a feast of yesterday
If it isn't wrapped in plastic, they won't eat it any more
No-one sings, they buy a C D with a choir of screaming ghouls
Being good consumers, that's the way it's planned
But a few of us are still anachronistic Luddite fools
And I'll carve my own damn pumpkin, or at least I'll carve my hand

Last year I made a bug-eyed monster, that was really hard
Carving eyes with twenty facets sure takes time
The year before was mutants leering all across my yard
Three eyes apiece and noses dripping slime
I should learn to keep it simple, it's the only art I do
But it looks so easy in the magazine
Got no skill, but I've got zeal and eleven months to heal
There's blood on the pumpkin, it's almost Halloween

Blowing Up My Friend

When I was young I had a friend who was imaginary
My parents couldn't see him so they thought that it was very
Suspicious how I blamed my friend the day the goldfish died
Now my best friend's a lot like him, she's all hot air inside

I'm blowing up my closest friend
She had a little leak I had to mend
She isn't made of flesh, her lovely shape depends on pressure
So I'm blowing up my closest friend

My best friend comes along with me when I drive to work
She's the only one who never says I'm driving like a jerk
She's accepting, she's supportive, and there's no need to explain
She comes in very handy when I use the car pool lane

My friend was looking pale, I thought she wasn't feeling well
Though when your friend's a blow up doll, it's awful hard to tell
Though the chiropractor did his best, no difference could he make
So we tried the acupuncturist -- now that was a mistake

Seems people can't agree what other people should believe
So we blow each other up with bombs, which always makes me grieve
If we weren't so sad and lonely, we could get along just fine
I wish that everybody had a blow-up friend like mine

[TAG] The problem that we face is how to bring war to an end
The answer is blowing up a friend


Booby Prize


Little boys grow into playboys, dreaming of the perfect breast
Men today were yesterday boys, and by bosoms still obsessed
Nine months inside, six to nurse, then a lifetime all alone
But its gotten even worse: we're growing bosoms of our own

Men are growing breasts, is it something in the water?
Is it something in the food? Is it something in the air?
We can't avoid the chemicals, we're doing what we gotta
And we're turning into women and is is-n't fair

Corporations move their plants to where they're still allowed to spew
Technologically advanced waste products that aren't good for you
But the wind cares naught for borders, soon it all comes home to stay
But it causes no disorders, so theinfomercials say

Girls now mentruate at nine, fish change sex downstream from mills
You say everything is fine - are you taking stupid pills?
Pills that help us stand the crowd, Ritalin for boys who shout
Prozac helps us stand up proud while our hairy tits grow out


The Bottom Line

The last line of the second verse should morph to insult the public figure of choice. You could sing "the worst in the place looked like XX XX's face", but there are so many synonyms for the body part in question that there's often one that rhymes.

I work in a white collar war zone, where ulcers and heart attacks prowl
We'd sooner be dead than end up in the red, and the stench of the corpses is foul
I make a small symbolic protest when the pressure starts curdling my spleen
I lock all the doors and I lower my drawers and moon on the Xerox machine

I went to a wild office party, we all had a bit too much booze
And then we took turns photocopying sterns and tried to decide which was whose
You never saw such an assortment of peculiar posterior smiles
The ugliest tush looked a lot like George Bush, but that's cause the owner had piles

Last night I was hit with a deadline, I worked until two forty nine
When I finished I thought I'd just run off a shot of the only thing I can call mine
When I sat down and pressed the big button there was one little thing that I missed
I came back to find that I'd faxed my behind to the entire customer list


Carbonear

There's lots of money down on the mainland
Lots of worry and lots of care
There's lots of good folks if you can find them
Lots of scoundrels everywhere

Come ya down to Carbonear
Folks are friendly in around here
Catch yer fish and drink yer beer
And swing around me, my dear

'Laine got three strings to her fiddle
Fiddled she loud and fiddled she long
Fiddled she in a fishing dory
Fish jumped in to hear her song

'Laine she fiddled at a party
Everyone was drinking Screech
With half to drunk too keep the tune
And all too drunk to keep their peace

Zeke went down to Carbonear
He played guitar with fiddlin' 'Laine
He wrote this song to make the money
To go to Carbonear again

There's lots of money down on the mainland
Money that slips right through your hand
There's lots of roads to Nova Scotia
Lots of boats to Newfoundland


Christmas, One AD

Have a merry Christmas, have a lot of fun
Go home toyour family, be nice to everyone
Blow a year of savings buying presents at the mall
But don't forget one poor little boy who never had Christmas at all:

Jesus never celebrated Christmas
Jesus never trimmed a Christmas tree
He never hung up socks or sandals wondering what he would receive
when his parents lit the candles, that meant Hanukkah, not Christmas Eve
Jesus never celebrated Christmas
The reason why is very plain to see:
He was born before humanity had heard of Christianity
Back in One AD


Christmas Rock


It was Christmas Day in Heaven
The angels were praising the Lord
They sang those good old carols in that good old fashioned way
When a voice from on high roared:
I'M BORED!

Let's rock! Let the good times roll!
Them New Age ditties are mighty pretty but they don't move my soul
Want an old Stratocaster played much too loud
A drum beat pounding on a thundercloud
Blow all the feathers off the angel flock
Doing the Christmas Rock

There's people down on earth doing apres-ski
There's people on sleigh rides makin' whoopee
They're gettin' down and boogyin' loud and clear
Why can't it rock like that up here?

That New Age music is angelic stuff
But two thousand years of it's about enough
We got lots of dead rockers here, saved from sin
Give 'em their axes, let the jam begin!


Christmas With No Ferrari

My family is gathered all around the Christmas tree
I got three books, a real nice scarf, and a Grateful Dead CD
I know that I am having the nicest Christmas yet
But I just can't keep my mind off the gift I never get

It's one more Christmas with no Ferrari, no Ferrari again
Everyone says I should be merry, I shouldn't care about no Ferrari
Wherever I go, I got to go in a beat-up van that's old and slow
Guess Santa's elves don't do V-12s, Ferrari Christmas never came.

I don't want an all-expenses-paid vacation in Bombay
I don't want a Stradivarius, cause I never learned to play
Family health care would be nice, but I'm not a millionaire
And I guess no one who loves me had two hundred grand to spare

Cause it's one more Christmas with no Ferrari, no Ferrari again
There's baby Jesus and mother Mary, but where the heck's my darn Ferrari
I'm just a real deserving fellow, I deserve a car from Maranello
Got lots of machismo, but no Gran Turismo, Ferrari Christmas never came.

My neighbors got a BMW, you know how that makes me feel
I try to smile as I tell them, "Real BMW's have two wheels"
If I were a famous musician, I'd drive a car that suits my position
Harry Belafonte sang "Day-o", made so much he bought an Alfa Romeo

The kids are getting tired now, it's time to go away
We pile into the van to end a long, exciting day
And a drunken driver rams us, we hear him sit and curse
It's one more dent in the good old van, but it coulda been much worse

Cause it's one more Christmas with no Ferrari, no Ferrari again
If we'd been in one, it woulda been scarey, squished to jelly in our new Ferrari
A lifetime dream car smashed to junk, send the bill to an uninsured drunk
It's Christmas Day and we're all okay, Ferrari Christmas never came.


Clone Lullaby

Hush little baby, go to sleep
Daddy is outside counting sheep
You won't have so very long to wait
Till you can laugh and play
Just like today
With the lovey little lambie we just ate

Hush little baby, sleepyhead
Doggie's asleep beneath your bed
Doggie's getting very old and slow
But there's a bouncing little pup
That will be him when he grows up
Replacement doggies just take time to grow

People were so ignorant, it seems just yesterday
That we thought animals had more inside
Than a few dozen molecules of D N A
Wrapped up in flesh for human beings to eat and wear and ride

I saw the Kentucky Derby just last week
They were clones of Secretariat, all thirteen
There were thirteen different jockeys, each unique
But that was the closest race I've ever seen

Rest, little baby, in dreamland
The world is too new to understand
I hope your childhood's full of growth and fun
Whoever thought I'd be
Sitting in here rocking me?
And you will be spare parts for me when you're twenty-one


Cold In B Flat

I woke up in the morning, I was feeling pretty punk
My eyes were hard to open and my throat was full of junk
I didn't kiss my wife the way I usually do
I said, "I've got a code, I dode wad you to ged it too"
I was having trouble breathing, I was feeling kind of bummed
As I blew my nose, I cleared my throat, I gargled and I hummed
Then I heard what I was humming, that's when I discovered that
When I have a cold I can get down to B Flat

I got a beeee flat, that's mighty low for me
When I'm singing healthy I can barely get a D
Move over, Johnny Horton, I can finally sing bass
I got a beeee flat coming out of my face

I was sounding pretty funny, I was feeling mighty strange
When I set out to discover what had happened to my range
My bass had grown four semitones, but just as I had feared
Everything except that extra bass had disappeared

. . . move over, Ivan Rebroff . . .

I know that I'll get better and my high notes will return
But singing down to B Flat is a trick that I can't learn
When they cut an album that goes platinum or gold
I bet they sing the bass notes when they have a cold

. . . move over, Larry Hanks . . .


Dan Harris

This is the abridged biography of Dirty Dan Harris, the founding father of Fairhaven.

Dan Harris left Long Island to sail the ocean blue
Jumped ship in Honolulu in 1852
He hitch hiked to Victoria, then left that foreign shore
And rowed home to Fairhaven a hundred times or more

Rowing veggies to Victoria, rowing rum and blankets home
Rips and reefs and stony shorelines where the breakers crash and foam
Two hundred pounds plus all his cargo, God knows how he stayed afloat
Two foot chop and six inch freeboard, Eight knot current - four knot boat.

A rising tide by Ten Mile Point can spin a puzzle for ya
It can take you to the San Juans or right back to Victoria
No signposts mark the current's turn or tell you what to do
In that moving maze of wind and waves, big Dan came rowing through

Forty-three miles as the crow flies, but islands bar the way
Between them or around them? It's different every day
You get halfway in a hurry, that far the tide's your chum
Then you wait for nineteen hours for the next good tide to come

He staked a claim and built a road, he soon owned half of town
He got rich, then poor, then rich, he couldn't pin a fortune down
High finance was too high for him, he couldn't do the math
But he did the work of seven men and never took a bath

Children loved to gather round when he told them stories
How laws and boats were shattered, of wild women, rum, and glory
The strait-laced parents told their kids to shun that bad old man
It was not just for his fragrance that they called him dirty Dan


Doin' Eighty

You're doin' eighty, you're so fast
We're trying to keep up, but you shoot right past
Got no time for feeling blue, can't catch up with you
You're doin' eighty

Eighty years ago when dinosaurs walked the earth
In the cave they was behavin' ecstatic at your birth
Someone heard a sabertooth tiger say, "Ain't it the truth?
This kid'll be a swinger to beat Babe Ruth"

They put on a Depression and a World War Two
You fixed 'em up so we don't have to live them through
The world sure needed changin', thank you for arrangin' it
You needed lots of speed, you're doin' eighty

I get baffled and I get confused
I find that my mind is the first thing I lose
Seems reality and I are at variance
I need advice from my favorite octogenarians

Now we have computers and satellites
No place on earth is farther than a one day flight
There's so much we've got to know, that's why we need you so
You're the one who knows the road, you're doin' eighty


Down Into The Air

They came to cape Canaveral, they came prepared to fly
And some folks said, "Good luck, boys, but we fear you're gonna die
You've got a lot of rockets that'll get you off the ground,
But you're gonna burn to cinders coming down,
You're gonna burn to cinders coming down

They said we'd never fly, but the Wright brothers flew
They told Aldrin and Armstrong that we'd never reach the moon
It's two years late, it's too big to understand,
And if it flies, it's never gonna land,
If it flies, it's never gonna land

They climbed up into Heaven on a thousand feet of fire
Then Crippen said to Young, "We're up here, let's not go no higher
We'll put her into orbit, take a look at everywhere
And then we'll fly her down into the air
Then we'll fly her down into the air

We stood out in the desert, two hundred thousand strong
To see them die or do the thing we'd worked to do so long
They came down like a meteor, they landed safe and sound
Now they're home, the human race is outward bound
Now they're home, the human race is outward bound

They said it wouldn't fly, but the Space Shuttle flew
They tell us Mars is still too far, but that's no longer true
We'd be born with wings if God meant us to fly
But I'm gonna leave this world before I die
I'm gonna leave this world before I die


Downsized

Arnold worked for thirty years making sleeping bags
Did every job from cutting cloth to sewing on price tags
The shop was taken over by a big financial mob
They said, "Payroll isn't profit", and they cut out Arnold's job

Arnold got downsized yesterday
They handed him his severance and sent him on his way
If you have too many workers then it's hard to make it pay
So Arnold got downsized yesterday

Now Arnold was the only one who really understood
How to run the big machines that stuffed and waterproofed the goods
The new boss came out on the floor to do some supervising
The waterproofer sprung a leak and he got sprayed with sizing

The boss he grabbed his eyes and started staggering around
Underneath the hopper that was filled with eiderdown
It all stuck to the sizing, and the boss was sure surprised
He found out on the shop floor how it feels to be downsized

Arnold's boss got downsized yesterday
The down came down in blizzards and the glue began to spray
The sizing was permanent, the down is there to stay
Arnold's boss got downsized yesterday

The boss he hired Arnold back, said, "We must work together"
And since that day, he's come to work in nothing but his feathers
Getting glued and feathered made him realize
You've got no use for business suits when you've been downsized


Songs E through K
Songs L through Z