| Master Lyrics Page | My Home Page | ||
| Songs from Lethal Reprieve | and Non-Album Songs | ||
| | |||
| Song Title | Recording | Song Title | Recording |
|---|---|---|---|
| Blowing Up My Friend | MP3 | Christmas One AD | MP3 |
| Entropy Happens | MP3 | Four Gallon Flush | MP3 |
| Freedom Toast | MP3 | Groundhog Day | MP3 |
| I'm Not In Denial | The Generals(Say It's Time For Peace) | MP3 | |
| The Last Longhorn | MP3 | The Lizard That Ate Vancouver | MP3 |
| Monster Truck | MP3 | Midnight At The North Pole | MP3 |
| No Longer Free | MP3 | The Northwest Rocks | MP3 |
| Spaghetti | MP3 | NW Rocks sung by Steve Lalor | MP3 |
| Nothing On the News | Three Feet Tall Again | MP3 | |
When the generals say it's time for war, you may be wrong to go
The generals may know all about war, but war is all they know
So take it with a grain of salt when the generals say, "Let's fight"
But when the generals say it's time for peace, the chances are they're right
When the pacifists say it's time for peace, you know they may be wrong
There comes a day when you have to fight, though you'd rather get along
You can't make everything go away by wishing with all your might
But when the generals say it's time for peace, the chances are they're right
Maybe a dozen folks want this war
Only half of them know what for
They won't do the fighting, they don't know how
What a pity they're all in the white house now
When a songwriter tells you what to think, don't bother to listen long
He probably doesn't know a thing but how to write a song
So think for yourself: who dies? who prospers every time we fight?
Cause when the generals say it's time for peace, the chances are they're right
Do you really think they hate us just because we're free?
Though we keep them poor and starving to fuel our economy
In the long days since September, have you wondered just a bit
Why big business and the Pentagon were what they chose to hit?
Well, now we're gonna bomb them, we're gonna make them bleed
Only traitors look for causes when it's vengeance that we need
And we'll give up every freedom that might hinder us in war
We're no longer free, so maybe they won't hate us any more
I got up this morning, ate my Freedom Toast
Had a cup of coffee, a good dark Freedom Roast
Walked the Freedom Poodle 'til 7:44
Gave my wife a Freedom Kiss, walked out the Freedom Door
I see England, I see freedom
I see someone's underpants
Where's our allies when we need 'em?
Why can't they give war a chance?
A Freedom Horn concerto was playing where I ate
I put a glob of Freedom Dressing on my salad plate
Ate a heap of Freedom Fries, I love cholesterol
Want to bomb those Freedom Canadians up in Montreal
We've got good old know-how, don't need no savoir-faire
New Orleans says Mardi Gras is now Fat Tuesday there
Notre Dame's Our Lady now, and Baton Rouge is Red Stick
If you want baguette, you'll have to call it Freedom Breadstick
Between Germany and Spain, they're as wussy as can be
Just cause they had two world wars, they're scared of World War Three
If they're not behind us, they must be for Iraq
Let's tear down the Statue Of Liberty and send the damn thing back
. . . They won't follow when we lead 'em
Don't they understand romance?
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When I was small, I had a friend who was imaginary
My parents couldn't see him, so they thought that it was very
Suspicious how I blamed my friend the day the goldfish died
Now my best friend's a lot like him, she's all hot air inside
I'm blowing up my closest friend
She had a little leak I had to mend
She isn't made of flesh, her lovely shape depends on pressure
So I'm blowing up my closest friend
My best friend comes along with me when I drive to work
She's the only one who never says I'm driving like a jerk
She's accepting, she's supportive, and there's no need to explain
She comes in very handy when I use the carpool lane
My friend was looking pale, I thought she wasn't feeling well
Though when your friend's a blow-up doll, it's sometimes hard to tell
Though the chiropractor did his best, no difference could he make
So we tried the acupuncturist, but that was a mistake
They say my friend was made for love, it might be true, I guess
So many times I've asked her, she's never answered "Yes"
Romance can mess up friendship, though I never did know why
So I guess that we will always be just best friends till I die
People can't agree what other people should believe
When they blow each other up with bombs, it always makes me grieve
If we weren't so sad and lonely, we could get along just fine
I wish that everybody had a blow-up friend like mine
The problem that we face is how to bring war to an end
The answer is blowing up your friend
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I got a truck, I got a truck, I got a monster truck
I got seven feet of headroom, don't never have to duck
Your little car's so small and low, you can't go where I can go
I got thrills you'll never know, I got a monster truck
I got a truck, I got a truck, I got a monster truck
When I see it in my driveway, I can't believe my luck
Got big mud tires on airplane wheels, my winch makes others look like fishin' reels
You'll never know how good it feels, I got a monster truck
When I get stuck in traffic, I know just what to do
Put on a disk of truckin' songs and crack a can of brew
Cause I know I'm not really stuck, I could just truck on through
So you oughta be god damned grateful that I don't truck over you
I got a truck, I got a truck, I got a monster truck
I get seven miles a gallon, and I ... don't .. care
Strong men drool when I pass, I can afford to buy the gas
If you don't`like it, that's too bad, I got a monster truck
Back to Top * Skip to next * MP3 recording
Johnny had a lizard, a cute little baby skink
Johnny dropped his chemistry set, the lizard took a drink
I don't know what the lizard drank, it wouldn't be good for you
But it sure made that lizard grow, it grew - and grew - and grew
Help! Help! call the lizard remover!
A twenty foot lizard is loose in Vancouver!
The situation had better improve or
We're all gonna get eaten up.
The lizard ate up Johnny, it ate up both of his folks
It ate his baby sister, then out of the house it broke
It ate up everybody it could find in the neighbourhood
It found that, though they act peculiar, people are mostly good
(fifty foot lizard)
It ate up a Volkswagen, ate it driver and all
Decided it was pretty good, but just a little small
It wandered onto the highway, it found the transit lane
Ate forty-three buses nad three hundred vans 'cause it was growing again
(hundred foot lizard)
The more it ate, the more it grew, and more, and more, and more
Till . . . LISTEN! I CAN HEAR IT! IT'S RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR!
It's eaten everybody except for me and you
And if you don't behave yourself, it's gonna eat you too.
(thousand foot lizard)
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MP3 recording
Have a happy Christmas, have a lot of fun
Go home to your family, be nice to everyone
Blow a year of savings buying presents at the mall
But don't forget one poor little boy
Who never had Christmas at all
Jesus never celebrated Christmas
Jesus never trimmed a Christmas tree
He never hung up socks or sandals
Wondering what he would receive
When his parents lit the candles
That meant Hanukkah, not Christmas Eve
Jesus never celebrated Christmas
The reason why is very plain to see
He was born before humanity had heard of Christianity
Back in One A. D.
Do you know how Santa gets to forty million kids an hour?
Do you wonder how he goes so fast on just eight reindeer power?
The secret's in the timing, he produces this effect
By starting at the North Pole where the time zones intersect
Cause it's always midnight at the North Pole
From the end of Summer till Spring
It's always midnight at the North Pole
That's how Santa does his thing
He loads his sleigh with goodies and the reindeer start to trot
And you know you're getting something whether you've been good or not
But he gets back when he started out, at midnight on the dot
Cause it's always midnight at the North Pole
He unhitches all the reindeer, grabs a shower and a snack
Kisses Mrs Claus goodbye and grabs another sack
Then he's ready for another run, the same time as the last
Midnight at the North Pole where the clock is never fast
Sometimes he gets caught in a ferocious Winter storm
His fingers get so cold he fears he never will get warm
A good long soak revives him till he's ready to begin
And he jumps out of the hot tub at the same time he got in
At last the night is over, Santa finally takes a break
And all the elves get out of bed with next year's toys to make
Bicycles, computer games, dolls and balls and drums
It's noon all Spring and Summer, quitting time just never comes
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My mother dropped me in the sand 'mongst tumbleweed and sage
And wild and free I roamed the land till 'bout six months of age
Some crazy rounder roped my neck and tied my feet with gut
Took his iron from the fire, burned his initials in my butt
Yeah, he tied me up and burned me, he cut notches in my ears
Rounded up my brothers and turned them into steers
Then set us free to graze and grow and hoped that we would thrive
Till they escorted us to Denver for the fall's big cattle drive
I am a free range longhorn cow, I'm big and fast and mean
Roam the deserts and the mountains and the foothills un between
I'm not your pampered dairy cow, don't look to find me there
But I'm gonna get that man who monogrammed my derriere
Came fall and came the roundup, I recognized his voice
The others ran to get away, I made a different choice
I could not reach his cruel heart, he rode too hight to gore
But I got him right where he got me, that boy won't ride no more
His comrades came and raised him up and sang a mournful song
How a cowpoke's life is dreadful hard and seldom dreadful long
Then they drove the herd a thousand miles without rest or relief
But they never sang no songs about the weary footsore beef
....but I'm glad I got the man who monogrammed my derriere
There ain't that many longhorns left, they've fenced the open range
With feedlots full of hormones, a cow's life sure is strange
So eat your supermarket steak, enjoy that tender cut
And I'll get you like I got the man who autographed my butt
When Prohibition happened, Grandpa didn't get the blues
He ran his boat to Canada for good Canadian booze
Now Prohibition's here again. it's crazy but it's true
They've banned the four gallon toilet, gotta flush with less than two
CHORUS
We're pissed off! We'll fight and never quit
We know how to deal with this bureaucratic stuff
We'll exercise our sacred rights that congress cannot crush
And we'll wash away our troubles with the four gallon flush
Bold Dave Barry said these words, way down in Florida
"We need Canadian toilets but we're too far from the borider
A little bit of tinkle you can swiftly flush away
But when you've passed an Act of Congress you can flush and flush all day"
(....bureaucratic shift....)
The women's movement fights for equal jobs and equal pay
The freedom movement showed us all skin colors are okay
But man and woman, black and white, we all have common gripes
'Cause everybody's movement's getting stuck inside the pipes
(.....bureaucratic shipment....)
They have double-action toilets in lands far away and furrin
A big flush for the big jobs and a little flush for urine
But we're stuck with the little flush and we're in deep doo-doo
Just like Christopher Robin, we can't get rid of Pooh
I learned to make spaghetti at the knees of my Mama
"Don't cook it till it's mushy, but don't serve it hard and raw
And when you think it's almost done, here's a little trick:
Throw a little at the wall and see if it will stick."
Chorus
I'm gonna throw myself at you and see if I will stick
I'm feeling mighty tender and the sauce is getting thick
I'm in water hot enough to cook a fellow quick
I'm gonna throw myself at you and see if I will stick
Spaghetti has no feelings, I'm not like that at all
You're soft and warm and cuddly, you're nothing like a wall
We've got something cooking and I don't know what to do
But I know that when I get done, I want to stick to you.
When I was just a bachelor I made an awful mess
My mother came to visit, and she laughed, I must confess
She said, "of all the silly cooks, you must be the worst
When you throw spaghetti at the wall, don't put the sauce on first"
CHORUS
It's Groundhog Day, it's Groundhog Day
Just when you thought Winter had settled in to stay
Sunshine's here to tell you Spring is on its way
Look! there goes your shadow 'cause it's Groundhog Day
Groundhog's hibernating beneath the winter storm
Getting tired of waiting for the weather to get warm
Wakes up in a panic, afraid he's slept till May
Runs outside and finds it's only Groundhog Day
Winter wind is freezing our noses and our cheeks
We need a hearty breakfast, haven't seen the sun in weeks
Some sausages and pancakes would make us feel okay
Grind the hog for sausage meat, it's Ground Hog Day
In the year Two Thousand One old Punxsutawny Phil
Woke up on a cloudy day but saw his shadow still
The TV lights were blazing bright, they scared him right away
Causing six more weeks of winter after Groundhog Day
Winter's halfway over, it's February Two
If you're not a groundhog, I'll tell you what to do
Eat a hearty breakfast, then when you are fed
Go out and see your shadow, then go back to bed
Fire up your Harley and ride around the block
When you kiss your lady, do you get an awful shock?
Truckers all use grounding chains to drain the charge away
It's time to ground your Harley 'cause it's Ground Hawg Day
The last time I was three feet tall, I was five years old
Couldn't do what I wanted, had to do what I was told
I got frustrated all the time, the memory is plain
Cause now I'm in a wheelchair and I'm three feet tall again
I'm three feet tall again, got a different point of view
Looking up your nostrils, wondering what I saw in you
When I say I can't kick, that doesn't mean I won't complain
I got a lousy altitude, I'm three feet tall again
The last time I was three feet tall, I couldn't cross the street
These days I need a curb cut, don't need no stinkin' feet
The traffic's pretty heavy and the street is awful wide
I get across and there's no curb cut on the other side
When I go shopping I need help, can't do it by myself
Cause everything I want to buy is on the highest shelf
The mirror's up above the sink, can't see to comb my hair
And crowded elevators smell like dirty underwear
You only see my wheelchair though my face is in plain view
You look as if you're worring that I might drool on you
You're treating me so weird I think I'm gonna go insane
And bite your goddamn leg off so you're three feet tall again
Back in the White House, the Pre - si - dent
Said, "We wasted every cent we spent
Earthquake proofing is totally dumb
Cause no - body knows when the quake will come"
And the Northwest rocked
The Northwest rocked
The buildings in Se-attle started walkin'round the block
Shimmyin' at Richter six point eight
Shakin' like jelly on a tec - to - nic plate
Everybody's talkin 'bout the North - west rockin'
Doin' the North - west rock
Pendulum swingin' through a bowl of sand
Picture drawn by Mother Nature's hand
Wanna see the art work the earth - quake did
But it wasn't as de -structive as a three-year-old kid
Got a letter from Cal - i -forn-eye-ay
"Now we got your attention, we want to say
Send us all your power and your water too
Or we'll keep sending our quakes to you"
One person died from a heart attack
The Capitol dome got a great big crack
Amazon dot com servers went down
And the Boeing executives all left town
Good golly Nis - qually Good golly Nis - qually
Good golly Nis - qually Good golly Nis - qually
Everybody's talkin 'bout the North - west rockin'
Doin' the North - west rock
This song was topical for a while, then people were so sick of the subject they didn't want to hear anything about it. Now it's a historical curiosity, as the press that swarmed piranha-like over one President's sex life are giving lots of slack to his successor. Make War, Not Love!
Are Milosevic's mas murderers still cleansing Kosovo?
Is Saddam still making weapons? Is there any way to know?
Are the Palestinians and Israelis going at it still?
Who knows? There's nothing on the news but Monica and Bill.
There's nothing on the news but Monica and Bill
No one ever did what they did, and no one ever will
I used to wonder if it mattered, now I have no doubt
'Cause Monica and Bill is what the news is all about
Are the peasants in Chiapas getting massacred tonight?
Are Rwanda and Burundi set to start another fight?
Did they los another hundred billion dollars in Brazil?
Who knows? There's nothing on the news but Monica and Bill.
Did they find a cure for cancer? Did they put an end to war?
Did Bill Gates say, "I'm rich enough, I don't need any more?"
Did Christ come back in Beijing? Was Elvis found on Mars?
Do a hundred grown men really care where Bill puts his cigars?