Zeke Hoskin Songs from Lethal Reprieve

Master Lyrics Page . . . My Home Page
Songs from Interim CD-ROMs. . . and Non-Album Songs
Song TitleRecording Song TitleRecording
Bicycle Fish MP3 Doin' Eighty MP3
Hunting The Duck I Love Chocolate
I've Forgotten The Chords Beer Is Good For You
Valparaiso In A Rowboat

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Hunting The Duck

This song makes fun of a whole generation of lets-go-out-and-kill-something hunting ballads. It's on Life Is Lethal and Lethal Reprieve.

This cramped city life isn't right for a man
We're born to live free and to kill what we can
So it's off to the country, where the air's fresh and clear
With a carton of ciggies and twelve dozen beer
Chorus
So blow the horn loudly and rev up the truck
We're off to the boondocks to murder the duck

We climb in the truck about six-forty-five
And proceed to tank up for the long weary drive
When we get to the cabin, we're all brightly lit
Can't remember who drove and can't tell what we hit

It's up with the dawn, though the coffee's no good
And down to the lake through the dew-spangled wood
When we get to the blind, we're as happy as boys
Till we find out that Harry forgot the decoys

We crouch without moving from sunrise till three
Except every five minutes we stand up and pee
At last! There's a duck, and we fill it with lead
Can't figure who shot it, but the bugger's sure dead

Then it's back to the cabin for whisky and steak
And we talk about women till nearly daybreak
No one believes what the other guys say
But we've got to talk dirty to prove we're not gay

The next day the ducks have gone elsewhere in flocks
So we have to shoot tree trunks and beer cans and rocks
Tom dropped his gun when he fell in the lake
And Dick shot a full can of beer by mistake

Then it's back to the city, refreshed by our sport
Burning gas by the gallon and beer by the quart
We'll have to draw straws to see who has the luck
To pick two pounds of shot out of three pounds of duck.

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I Love Chocolate

You can sing this as a children's song by leaving out the adult verses. The verse about Easter makes fun of the way things get commercialized, not of the Resurrection - but if the language makes you uncomfortable, sing "If Easter happened twice a year" instead. It's on Life Is Lethal and Lethal Reprieve.

CHORUS

I love chocolate, I love you
I hope you'll never prove untrue
But I'll have chocolate if you do
I can count on chocolate.

Father never seemed to make enough to feed his children steak
But Mom churned out that chocolate cake, chocolate made my childhood

Chocolate is so action-packed it makes those children hyperact
But too much speed is what I lack, Grown-ups need more chocolate

Dogs love chocolate, don't know why, speeds their hearts up till they die
Vet bill's gonna make you cry, don't let dogs have chocolate

Careless love can break your heart, God knows smoking isn't smart
Too much beer can make you fat, nothing's safe but chocolate

How do you know that Easter's here? Chocolate bunnies do appear
If Christ had risen twice that year, we could have more chocolate

If your husband's youth is spent, his get-up-and-go has went
Chocolate straightens what is bent, feed your husband chocolate

Some of you might think this song is short on meaning and much too long
And I'm not gonna say you're wrong, let's go have some chocolate

OPTIONAL VERSES - PLEASE DON'T SING THEM ALL EVERY TIME

If your waistband's getting tight and dieting is such a fight
You can curb your appetite: precede each meal which chocolate

Young folks doubt that those above forty-five years old can love
Sex, of course, we don't dream of but we can still love chocolate

Now that xxxx is nnnnty-five, we're so glad that (s)he's alive
It makes a great excuse to drive to xxxx's house for chocolate

Monica thought she'd go far until she ran across Ken Starr
He caught her smoking Bill's cigar - she should have stuck with chocolate

Canadian women have it tough, do without some vital stuff
A survey says they don't get enough . . . . . . chocolate

Americans cut down, I hear, to less than five pounds each per year
It shows that when you drink weak beer you lose your taste for chocolate

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I've Forgotten The Chords

My homage to Bob Dylan and all the peaceniks. This song is on Life Is Lethal and Lethal Reprieve

Chorus
We were marching, marching, our vision was plain
We were trampling our fences and smashing our chains
A world without war is what we were arranging
A world that was peaceful and sane
I've forgotten the chords to "The Times Are A-Changin'"
It looks like they've changed back again.

Verses
It's the same old guitar that I played way back when
And I'm making a hundred times what I did then
I could buy a real good one with one week of pay
But there's never much left at the end of the day
What the hell, I just know a few chords anyway
And I guess the times changed back again

We fought for free love, and we knew we would win
And we'd laugh when the rednecks would rave about Sin
Now one-parent poverty cannot be hid
Now AIDS is a-slaughtering, we hope that our kids
Will do what we tell them and not what we did
And I guess the times changed back again

We fought for a world that was peaceful and clean
With hatred and hunger no more to be seen
Now everywhere people are killin' and dyin'
Corporations and governments stealin' and lyin'
And yuppies who snicker we were foolish for tryin'
And I guess the times changed back again

The Sixties are gone, for no decade can last
But the future has always grown out of the past
So call me nostalgic or call me deranged
But I think of a time, though today it sounds strange
When plain ordinary people could make the world change
'Cause the times need a-changin' again

Coda (after last chorus)
I looked up the chords to "The Times Are A-Changin'"
Let's go out and change them again!

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Beer Is Good For You

My pub jam song. Brian Robertson sings it with a verse he wrote about building the pyramids. Scott Katz has an equally good song named "Beer Is Good."

Coffee give you nerves of glass, but beer is good for you
Rye whiskey gets you drunk too fast, but beer is good for you
And if you take a little smoke, might be tobacco, might be dope
If you don't get cancer, you'll land in the poke, but beer is good for you

Beer! Beer! Bring another round down here
We've got to have another glass or two
Don't tell me that it's getting late, it's early in the year
Sit down and have another glass of beer, it's good for you

Samson knew it very well, that beer is good for you
He grabbed those pillars, down they fell, 'cause beer is good for you
They cut his hair, they had no fear, they thought he'd lose his strenght all year
But he shampooed every day with beer, 'cause beer is good for you

Canadiens won the Stanley Cup 'cause beer is good for you
They took champagne to fill it up, but beer is good for you
It sprung a leak and out it drained, looked like a busted water main
They said, "Thank God it's just champagne 'cause beer is good for you"

The moral of this happy song is beer is good for you
Do you want to grow up tall and strong? Well, beer is good for you
Do you want to paint the town bright red? Want to walk on water and raise the dead?
Then make your toast with liquid bread, 'cause beer is good for you

Beer! Beer! Bring another round down here
We've got to have another glass or two
Don't tell me that it's getting late, it's early in the year
Don't tell me that I've had enough, it ain't running out my ears
Don't tell me anything at all, sit down and drink your beer
Sit down and have another glass of beer, it's good for you

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Valparaiso In A Rowboat

The price of liquor is mostly tax. Unsold booze is often kept in a bonded warehouse, meaning the tax hasn't been paid. When you take whisky out of the warehouse, you have to pay the tax ... unless it's for export, of course.
During Prohibition in the U.S., there was a dockside bonded warehouse in Windsor, Ont. (Across the river from Detroit). Men would bring a rowboat to the dock and check out a few cases of whisky. The Customs officer would ask, Are you paying tax, or exporting?" "Exporting", they would answer. "Where to?" "Valparaiso." The Customs man would nod and write it down in his book, and away they'd row. Half an hour later, they'd do the same thing again.
This is a sea chantey for them. I wrote it on Canada Day, while returning from cross-border shopping for my Dusty Strings Harp. It's on
Reprieve! and Lethal Reprieve

Windsor is a lovely port we're proud to sing about
There's a warehouse full of whisky, though the Yankees do without
And when Customs asks us where we're bound, we ship our oars and shout:
"We're bound for Valparaiso in a rowboat"

Chorus
Pull your oars! We're on our way!
With a thousand quarts of whisky bound for Valparaiso bay
And we haven't no intention for to see the U. S. A.
We're bound for Valparaiso in a rowboat

Some say that for an ocean trip our craft is very smal
But we bold Canadian lads don't fear a little Cape Horn squall
And a deep sea schooner's just too big to shoot Niagara Falls
We're bound for Valparaiso in a rowboat

We've sailed for Valparaiso twenty seven times this week
But every time we've gotten to the mouth of Muddy Creek
We've had to jettison our cargo 'cause the oarlock sprung a leak
We're bound for Valparaiso in a rowboat

Now some sing of Vancouver, of St John and Halifax
But those salty water cities, they have nothing Windsor lacks
We've a doryload of whisky and the muscles in our backs
We're bound for Valparaiso in a rowboat

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Bicycle Fish

MP3
With warmth and respect to Gloria Steinem. It's on Reprieve! and Lethal Reprieve

A person with a heart that's colder than an icicle
Said, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle"
I guess she doesn't like the kind of men who hang around her
But I wrote this little song for you I hope that I don't flounder:

Chorus
I will be your bicycle if you will be my fish
You can grab my handlebar and ride me where you wish
You're so wet and wriggly, you know what I like
If you will be my fish this evening, I will be your bike

Once I had a goldfish, it never made a sound
Just swam round and round and round and round and round and round
And round and round and round and round as if it didn't care
If it had had a bicycle it might have got somewhere
,
Lovin' isn't easy, or that's the way it feels
If you want to go the distance, it helps if you have wheels
But when you're in deep water and you're fearin' you'll be drowned
A friend who has a pair of gills is good to have around

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